Are you looking to others to validate who you are without realising validation is the root of your suffering ?
We are all searching in a vast sea of faces to see who we are, where we fit, and whether we match up to being the world’s version of ‘good enough’. Looking for validation is at the root of our suffering, yet it starts with you …
Aristotle famously stated, "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom," highlighting the fundamental importance of self-awareness. Understanding oneself is crucial for personal growth and yet many individuals seek validation from external sources, whether it's friends, therapists, doctors, family members, or even societal standards, without realising that the key to overcoming suffering lies within themselves.
True wisdom goes beyond mere self-knowledge...
The philosophy of UBUNTU says “I am because you see me” which indicates just knowing ourselves is not enough, we need others to reflect back our value too (note I did not say validate). This philosophy teaches us that our sense of self is intricately interwoven to how others value our intrinsic gifts, what I refer to as our intrinsic talents, motivations, and Strengths. These elements of who we are, are immutable, inherent in us wherever we go in the world. Therefore, UBUNTU reminds us it's not just about knowing ourselves; we also need others to reflect our value back to us, not to validate, but to acknowledge and appreciate what our infinite uniqueness brings to both our lives and theirs.
Finding where we belong is like finding the missing piece of a puzzle
Finding where we belong is like finding the missing piece of a puzzle. It's about discovering the environments, relationships, and roles where our true selves are recognised, accepted and actually make a positive lasting impact, even in the tiniest of ways. Taking ‘your’ piece of the puzzle and matching yourself to your ‘belonging’ - is where you experience bliss at certain moments in your life, where the individuals who value what you bring see you, and as such are accepting of what you’re offering because your infinite uniqueness is something they need and appreciate at that moment.
Sometimes we bring and the door remains firmly closed …
However, sometimes we encounter closed doors, where our authentic selves are not welcomed or understood. We may be knocking on the wrong door, may not be invited to the table. There are occasions when we clash with others, and times people may not accept that what we have is what they need. Then there are those instances where the timing is just wrong. "Casting your pearls at Swines" is when you’ve taken your beautiful self to relationships, roles and environments that don’t match with what you’re offering. This is a challenging journey that requires resilience and perseverance. We must metaphorically don a fresh perspective, akin to trying on a new hat, to acknowledge the boundless distinctions of each individual's intrinsic uniqueness and offerings. Understanding that this diversity is not only beneficial but also an integral aspect of the collective mission to enrich the world through our individual contributions. At WITH-Humanity we call this Interdependent Rules of Engagement and teach the intrinsic language of Talents and Strengths as the metaphoric new hat.
This is where the buck stops with you - you are enough
You need to become confident in who you are and the gifts you uniquely bring. A deep understanding of self takes you on a journey of longing - painful as this can be - longing to find those who need your talents and gifts. It’s hard because some are not ready to receive you & this is where you build resilience and growth can take place. Yet on those occasions when you find your place, the gratitude and thanks you receive for bringing your beautiful self, is because these people have valued and found value in the impact you brought to their lives - “I am because you see me” 🤗
Occasionally in life we come across someone (I’m one of them) who carries a cross of not belonging- because they have to create an entirely new thesis, bringing brand new ideas that are not of this world. They are often not invited to the table. Yet these people are the "table builders," paving the way for change and progress, often leading solitary lives as they chart new territories. For those who march to the beat of their own drum, forging new paths and bringing innovative ideas to the table, belonging and feeling valued may be an ongoing struggle. Yet these individuals must take comfort in inviting themselves to their own table because they're the visionary leaders & change-makers who set the pace.
Ultimately, we are all on a journey of the "pain" of self-discovery, acceptance, and belonging. As the old adage goes "there's no growth in the comfort the zone and no comfort in the growth zone". We must understand each of us contributes a unique piece to the puzzle 🧩 of humanity. It's through understanding and embracing our unique intrinsic identity and individuality that we can become conscious of what we uniquely contribute and who needs the person we beautifully are. Its at the intersection of our diverse contributions that we are able to create a more interconnected and harmonious world if we allow it 🙏🏼
If you're interested in embarking on this journey of self-discovery and interdependence, subscribe to our platform today. At WITH-Humanity, we are dedicated to fostering authentic human relationships and social systems, helping individuals flourish and thrive. Connect with us to learn more about how we can support your personal growth and development journey.
You are enough …
Hi i’m Sam,
Founder of www.WITH-Humanity.co.uk
Is continuous improvement in authentic human relationships & social systems important to you? I'm in the business of helping individuals flourish. I bring an understanding of foresight & strategy, together with the intrinsic wiring of people, to leaders, teams, & individuals. If you want to see more posts like this connect with me here.
Book a complimentary introductory call with me today here. I'm confident our conversation will add value in helping you or your team progress, whether we decide to work together, or not.
Sam McDonald has been married for 30 yeas and has four children. They are a Strength-based family, using the CliftonStrengths® to enhance marriage & family life. Their home is in within the beauty of the Derbyshire countryside, UK and the FalseBay Coast, Cape, SA. She is a Futurist and Chief Visionary Officer for WITH-HUMANITY, a change-maker with a dream to disrupt our current meritocracy by "Unlocking the Intrinsic-Identity© of all Individuals in service of greater human engagement" creating an all inclusive value metric and social system which views the value of each individual through how they are beautifully and naturally wired, allowing each person to optimise and flourish.
She is a Normative Visionary, Systems Thinker, Disruptor, Change-Maker & Activist. Graduating Cum Laude with an MPhil in Futures Studies from the University of Stellenbosch, after failing matric, she believes matching one's intrinsic wiring to how we learn yields exponential results, leap-frogging our current education system. She influences thinking in order to create futures-led enquiry & change towards a future we all want to be part of - linking strategic leadership and management with futures thinking. Her use of Interdependent Rules of Engagement© and the CliftonStrength® Assessment, as well as various Foresight Methodologies, are tools of choice to influence mindset change, and help people understand each other's unique world views, which are coloured by what she terms our Strengths Language.
She moved to South Africa in 1983 from Nottingham, UK and has lived in both dysfunction and functional environments. These she views as her "cross to bear is your gift to share" - serving as a bridge in understanding how to create function out of chaos. Read her Professional Bio or discover her personal story here.
Sam and her fellow Coaches, work with motivated clients using the CliftonStrength® Assessment as a power tool for:
Strength Based Interviewing & Recruitment
Assisting motivated individuals to fall in love with their careers and find the work they were born to do.
Working with high achievers to discover their value and purpose
Working with Start-ups to gain momentum, motivation & self-awareness of the Entrepreneur
Assisting Students to gain a greater self-awareness, expediting their career path, building confidence and self-esteem.
Working with individuals to re-engage in their work environments & leveraging their strengths
Working with marriage relationships to help you love again and understand the toxicity, reduce negative experiences, create understanding and, in turn, assist with long-term strategies for lasting transformation
Finding your true Purpose, Passion and Value in Life
Falling in love with your life and work again
She teaches the 'Interdependent Rules of Engagement© & Vulnerability' to focus on living 'Interdependence' as the key to healthier environments - choosing this as 'rules of engagement' over 'Dependence', 'Co-Dependence' & 'Independence'.
Follow the link if you would like to take the Strengths Assessment and here to read more about how to discover who you are at your core.