DISCOVERING YOUR INNER DIAMOND: EMBRACING YOUR UNIQUE SELF
Have you ever thought about what makes you truly unique?
Welcome back to the new year and to 2024, the year of self discovery, change, and getting to know your unique identity, if you are reading this today.
My last blog of 2023 explored the concept of not feeling valued in a previous blog and stumbled upon a game-changing realization – until we embrace our own greatness, true feelings of value remain elusive. But here’s the kicker – we are infinitely unique, in fact 476 trillion times different to anyone else. So how do we even get to know our uniqueness? How can we uncover the magic that makes us, well, us?
During the Covid pandemic I took a plunge into the depths of my own intrinsic wiring, which unveiled for me the unique gifts we all possess. Despite being raised with this knowledge of our natural talents, like many, my journey has been like a long winding road, because although we each hold distinct talents and strengths that make us exquisitely ourselves, why is it some of us struggle to be authentic, thinking others are better, smarter, or simply "more" than us? Why do jealousy and self-doubt creep in when we are inherently unique and gifted?
Let's start with a fundamental question: "How do we know who we are?"
Approaching this with sincere 'confident vulnerability' (shoutout to Brené Brown), I can boldly say that for the first time I can stand up and declare who I am and who I am not, as well as understand some of what "I" masterfully bring to the table.
In 2020, as part of a personal experiment, I boldly matched my top Strengths of Futuristic and Strategic to my learning, enrolling in a Masters of Philosophy in Futures which I completed at the end of 2022 (read my story here). This was definitely a pivotal part of my personal aha moment. I was able to see how, when my marks were lower than expected, I was playing in what we term our 'non-strengths zone' - where my energy was depleted and I just had to try push through. Conversely, my A grades were in the subjects that totally rocked my motivation. This reminded me of how important 'Interdependent Rules of Engagement' are, because nothing we bring to the table should be done in isolation, because what is depleting to me, may be energising to someone else. We have to work together, and play to our Strengths.
This time also reminded me of my time in high school, and the shame I felt with my D's and E's, constantly being told I could do better; that I was a disrupter; and that should learn to conform more; I left school bedraggled. This judgement scarred me and left a negative perception of who I was. That was until I discovered Strengths and intrinsic Talents in 2007 - this was a journey I was meant to be on as I remembered my Mother saying when I was a child "God had given us all talents, we just had to discover what they were".
Personally I'm energised by helping people understand who they are at their core and how, when they add skills, knowledge and passion to this core self (one's intrinsic talents), and learn to be interdependent with others in the bringing of this, the best version of ourselves can play out in our future. How about you? It's an ongoing journey isn't it, a daily exploration actually, because we never stop learning about ourselves.
Continuously delving into my Strengths Report, I am reminded of how infinite our uniqueness is and how the uniqueness of how we "think, feel & behave" makes up our talent DNA and intrinsic-identity. This realisation brings a genuine 'light bulb moment' every time. Reading about myself and fully embracing my innate traits, I've found a path to grow into my unique excellence. This isn't boasting; it just is. For the first time in my life, I can confidently answer the question "Who are you?" Interrogating and 'owning' my Strengths Report felt like unwrapping an uncut diamond. The more I chipped away, the more the beauty beneath was revealed. Recognizing that a diamond, beyond its aesthetic value, holds numerous hidden uses, parallels with our own undiscovered potential. When we focus on what we have, rather than what we lack, we embrace the wonderful reality – "this is me."
So, how can you look at what is right with who you are?
Consider the Strength of "Deliberative" as an example. This Strength may initially be perceived as negative for drawing attention to faults, especially through "over-thinking" - yet this trait becomes invaluable when viewed from a positive angle. Deliberative individuals excel at scrutinizing situations from every angle, anticipating obstacles, and contributing valuable perspectives.
A man sought the best General on Earth
A captivating story underscores the idea of untapped potential. A man sought the best General on Earth and discovered the true potential in his next-door neighbor, the Baker.
A man is approached by an Angel who asks him what he’s doing – “I'm looking for the best General on the earth” he replies. Continuing his search years later after his death, again he is approached by the same Angel with the same question, this time in heaven, and replies “I’m looking for the best General, he must be here some where, because I sure couldn’t find him any where on earth”.
The Angel looks perplexed and then a sudden realisation crosses their face. “oh you mean that man, over there?” The man looks over to see his neighbour, the Baker. “No”, the man replies to the Angel, “that was the Baker who lived next door to me”. “yes”, replies the Angel – “if he’d taken up the challenge to become his "true" intrinsic self, he was to have become the greatest General that ever lived".
This untapped greatness serves as a reminder to uncover who we are truly meant to be and instead of fixating on problems, shift your mindset 180 degrees and ask, "What "problems" have I been given to help solve for the betterment of mankind?" Recognise these challenges as your greatest gifts and assets.
When each of the 34 Strengths are harnessed effectively, the power they wield is extraordinary
To start understanding your purposes, reflect on a time when you were happiest. What were you doing? What were others saying about you? What were you personally thinking and feeling? Identify that one thing where you lost yourself in the moment, something you would do every day simply for the love of it, even if unpaid. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his research on "the flow" deeply understood this concept; where people lose all sense of time when engaged in activities aligned with their natural tendencies.
Let's debunk a life lie ...
... the notion that we're not meant to be happy and that jobs are just a means to an end. We've been sold the fear that pursuing what we love leads to failure. So, are you ready to let go of this lie?
Understanding yourself goes beyond online assessments - even the Gallup CliftonStrength® Assessment we use at WITH-Humanity; it requires you to invest in a deep authentic understanding of how your wired by working with a qualified coach or joining our online Self-Organised Mastermind Learning Group. A Strengths Coach can help manage and bring out the best in your Strengths, preventing toxicity when they aren't allowed to shine. Our Mastermind Group gives you access to Strength learning tools, as well as an intimate group of others to work through your overuse and underuse patterns, your triggers, as well as what and why you are motivated towards, and much more.
Imagine using your top Strengths every day
Happiness stems from using our unique Strengths. Using your top Strengths every day you'll be energised, intrinsically motivated, performing at your best. The ripple effect on others would be profound. Challenge the status quo; open your eyes to the unique beauty each person brings. Seek 'cheerleaders' who truly see you and your gifts. Positive feedback is a basic human need, essential for feeling valued and validated. To echo my son's teacher, "Don’t try to fit in, lest you’ll never stand out." Embrace the liberating idea that being yourself helps you to stand out.
Addendum:
Exploring the deeper meaning of Shalom
In a conversation during my initiation into Strengths I discovered the beautiful meaning of Shalom, and that Shalom represents our true purpose. Shalom symbolises completeness, wholeness, health, peace, welfare, safety, soundness, tranquility, prosperity, perfectness, fullness, rest, harmony, and the absence of agitation or discord. It integrates the left brain's linear thinking with the right brain's systems thinking and intuition, making Shalom the most radical union of opposites.
So here's to a new year, a new you, and making 2024 a time to unleash your true Shalom and fill that little hole in your soul, finding true peace only in being authentically you.
Sam McDonald has been married for 30 yeas and has four children. They are a Strength-based family, using the CliftonStrengths® to enhance marriage & family life. Their home is in Hampton Court, UK and the FalseBay Coast, Cape, SA. She is a Futurist and Chief Visionary Officer for WITH-HUMANITY, a change-maker with a dream to disrupt our current meritocracy by "Unlocking the IntrinsicIdentity © of all Individuals in service of greater human engagement" creating an all inclusive universal value metric and social system.
She is a Normative Visionary, Systems Thinker, Disruptor, Change-Maker & Activist. Graduating Cum Laude with an MPhil in Futures Studies from the University of Stellenbosch, after failing matric, she believes matching one's intrinsic wiring to how we learn yields exponential results, leap-frogging our current education system. She influences thinking in order to create futures-led enquiry & change towards a future we all want to be part of - linking strategic leadership and management with futures thinking. Her use of Interdependent Rules of Engagement© and the CliftonStrength® Assessment, as well as various Foresight Methodologies, are tools of choice to influence mindset change, and help people understand each other's unique world views, which are coloured by what she terms our Strengths Language.
She moved to South Africa in 1983 from Nottingham, UK and has lived in both dysfunction and functional environments. These she views as her "cross to bear is your gift to share" - serving as a bridge in understanding how to create function out of chaos.
She and her fellow Coaches, work with motivated clients using the CliftonStrength® Assessment as a power tool for:
Strength Based Interviewing & Recruitment
Assisting motivated individuals to fall in love with their careers and find the work they were born to do.
Working with high achievers to discover their value and purpose
Working with Start-ups to gain momentum, motivation & self-awareness of the Entrepreneur
Assisting Students to gain a greater self-awareness, expediting their career path, building confidence and self-esteem.
Working with individuals to re-engage in their work environments & leveraging their strengths
Working with marriage relationships to help you love again and understand the toxicity, reduce negative experiences, create understanding and, in turn, assist with long-term strategies for lasting transformation
Finding your true Purpose, Passion and Value in Life
Falling in love with your life and work again
She teaches the 'Interdependent Rules of Engagement© & Vulnerability' to focus on living 'Interdependence' as the key to healthier environments - choosing this as 'rules of engagement' over 'Dependence', 'Co-Dependence' & 'Independence'.
Follow the link if you would like to take the Strengths Assessment and here to read more about how to discover who you are at your core. If you would like to discover more about yourself through our online Mastermind Learning Group you can subscribe here. If you are a Coach with a desire to move into Strengths Coaching you can subscribe to our introductory learning here, which will give you a taste of what the Strengths and the Strengths Revolution can bringing to individuals through a knowledge of how we are uniquely wired. Finally, by understanding your Partner's Strengths relationships can be improved and you can learn the unique language of your better half in the comfort of an intimate group of others. Subscribe here.